Monday, 10 January 2011

Decision Time

The weeks and months that followed weren't easy if I'm honest.  After the results of the amnio, we had a follow up appointment at Liverpool Women's Hospital.  They didn't really have a great deal more that they could tell us about why this had happened- they explained the duplication of the chromosone in more detail and explained that this was purely just a freak thing - 1 in 10,000!  (My friend put it into perspective when she said that if you filled a stadium full of 9,999 men wearing white underpants and 1 man wearing red underpants, what are the odds of you picking the one with the red pants on?  Pretty damn slim.  How true though - pretty funny too!).  They assured me that it wasn't something that I had done that could have caused the problems with our baby (which of course had gone through my mind!).

The only and most important thing left to discuss was the future of our baby.  They asked us whether we had considered a termination.  Of course, Lee and I had discussed it, we'd discussed every possible option.  We'd discussed it between ourselves and we'd discussed it with family and a few friends.  Most people we talked it through with just listened to us and I think probably just felt sorry that we were even in this position.  Most people were non-judgemental.  However, I distinctly remember a few people that had strong opinions on the matter.  One person implied that I would be selfish to continue with the pregnancy and that I was putting myself before the baby!  I found that quite hard to take in.  Then there were other people who told me stories that gave me hope - stories of babies who had been diagnosed with horrific problems during pregnancy and then were born without a blemish.  I knew deep down though that this wasn't the case for my baby but I know that my parents clung onto this hope until the very end.

The Hospital told us that most people in this situation terminate the pregnancy but Lee and I had already reached the conclusion that this wasn't the right decision for us.  I've always been against abortion but when faced with a situation like this, every scenario goes through your head, if only for a fleeting moment.  The harsh reality was that at 22 weeks, I would have to deliver the baby.  I would have had to take a pill to stop my baby's heart from beating and then give birth.  How in my right mind could I do that?  There was just no way, no way in this world.  Our decision was made, we were going to give our baby a chance.  I very much believe that what is meant to be is meant to be.  If our baby was meant to be born, then it would be.  Our only concern was for the baby, we didn't want him to suffer.  They told us that there was no reason why the baby would suffer.

They disucussed our options of where to have the baby, at Liverpool or at our local Hospital, Leighton.  At first I wanted to have it in Liverpool as I felt that they had had more experience in these kind of things.  However, that meant I would have to be induced, which having already done it with my daughter, didn't want to repeat the process.  I was happy to have it at Leighton but my biggest fear was that I would be put onto a ward with other new Mum's with perfectly healthy babies - a prospect I couldn't face.


  1. Your blog is amazing to read, I feel like it is a sign. I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and 2 weeks ago my waters broke leaving only a small amount of fluid around my baby, the doctors at the hospital keep advising me to have a termination but it is something that u just can't seem to do! They believe that the baby's lungs will not develop properly and therefore will not be viable outside of the womb however feeling a bond with my little one already is making me feel that I am unable to have a termination just incase he/she died turn out to be ok! I think you and you're partner are so strong and I completely understand your want to meet Ur baby and Ur parents need to hold on to hope! Your story gas truely touched me and made me feel even more certain that I have to give my baby a chance! Thank you so much, xxx

  2. I had always dreamed of a career in health care but was unsure to exactly what, I am now going to University in September to train to become a midwife. This is because of your beautiful family. This story touched me and made me want to care for women and other families throughout all types of pregnancies. Thank you for helping me, you baby boy is beautiful.